is a lie. Or if I am very forgiving, I'll call it a misunderstanding. But either way, the important thing to realize is that misperceptions are often conducive for creating more comfortable feelings. I know of epistemologies of ignorance and I know their effectiveness. They can create whole worlds, inverted by delusion-a purposeful misinterpretation of reality.
And me.
And unfortunately, they only create distance, bitter rifts, losses of friendships, and a lack of connection. They foreclose the possibility of understanding.
That is why I am grateful for you, one who sees clearly and accurately. Who knows full well the details and the pain that have led me to this day. You understand the causes of my hurting and that it continues to be present, and especially in what way.
And lucky for me, it means that you know I am not switching off to you. I need not worry about protecting myself. I don't need to run away because I've been learning. And trusting. Both have a great deal to do with loving.
How do I know that I love you? I know because I trust myself. And you. So much that I can feel that it is true, that no matter what more I see of you it will only fill out the picture. Any new situation will not present more criteria by which I will evaluate you, or how much I like you. Instead, I trust that I see you as you are, enough to trust myself. In that I can, first of all, love you.
And yes, so far it has been mutually reinforced by your own actions. I trust that you see me. Thus it is not a taking from one, or giving back to the other. This has been, from the beginning, a slow process of equally meeting one another in our being together.
My "I love you" comes with depth, with roots, with thick ground.
I love you.
And all that you are. Even the parts that are yet to be found.
And that, Love, requires trust--in myself.
5.2.10
