Sunday, November 1, 2009

and an angel said.........

A stranger spoke to another anonymous soul and said, "While we plan, God laughs." She attached a disclaimer saying she's not a religious person, and this I simply overheard. But in my heart I've also had questions about what some might call "destiny."

At present, I'm feeling like I've been lifted into hope. The future seems so near I can hear the laughter I'll share with new friends in the coming summer. I can smell the pages of the books I'll have read and feel the pain in my fingers and hand as I struggle to explain the way those books have changed me. I can already see the buds opening to a sun that gathered strength enough to break through after long, cold months of cloud cover, and I can anticipate the deep breaths I will take when I acknowledge the clouds again as I walk down the same old streets I'll have been walking for fifty-two weeks. I'll have walked them so much that they'll have shaped me into part of a community. There are new faces of bright young stars that will receive and transform my wishes for justice, students of life that I will do my best to reach and together we'll draw up a map to outline how one finds a sense of place called "home."

And then there will be nights when my heart feels like its drowning in waves of jealousy, resentment, and pain brought on by feeling lonely. This I know too well for it's an experience that haunts me daily, and soon, I imagine, will perhaps overtake me.

But there are also smiles that will be shared with more strangers as we become characters of what will eventually be stories that we tell to others. And I know there will be love, anniversaries to celebrate, and bonds to create over and again. There will be unknowns that I cannot portend but only prepare to encounter openly with a faith in life to support me. This "destiny" is found in living authentically--and so it will be. Our best hope is to laugh with God, then, and embrace each other always as friends, or angels. This one, today, was named Morgan.


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