Sunday, November 1, 2009

everyone has a poem about love

It takes so much courage to cry- I know- but it takes so much more for me to even try to be comfortable with the questions I'm working with inside. I'm confused and I know it, but it's the only thing I know very well. "Very well" I should say--it's about time to be living without having it all worked out. But why am I afraid of the unknown if there's nothing to be worried about?

Like I said, I need someone who challenges me. I don't know if I'm cut out for this shit. I want to fall in love, not be forced into it. I, too, want to meet someone like you who makes me think about all the reasons I'm even breathing, who makes me stutter with a simple touch, who makes me wonder what I need to do to make sure global warming doesn't get too out of hand, because damn! I want at least 60 more years in this lifetime with you! That's right--I want someone who makes me want to save the entire fucking world before I even think about saving my pride.

I want someone who makes me see that she's holy, that there are cracks but that's so water can come in and nourish all the parts within that are ready to begin growing. I want to get lost in the forest of her secrets that no one else can comprehend and realize that those secrets are just stories of her life. Then I'll hold them under my tongue from beginning to end.

I want someone who shakes me and makes me work for it! I've got to prove myself worthy for something--the good life was never supposed to be easy (just don't tell my Taoist students I said that). See, I want to be forced to live in contradictions and come to terms with the facts that are blurry. Things happen in two or more ways and I want to feel lucky if I'm even wondering.

I want someone who makes me want to believe that the nerves in my stomach are indicative of love.

I want to run the risk of it being a mistake.


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